By J.G. Azarcon, ESQ.
The naughty and the nice somehow all got something for Christmas. Here is the score…
Super golfer Tiger Woods was gifted with a secure cellular telephone from a certain Bill C who was sympathetic to Tigers domestic problem. The package was delivered to his agents office, not to Tigers house, and contained a card that reads: for your eyes only, for your hands only and for your ears only. It also stated a disclaimer: the giver is not responsible for any damages arising from the use of this equipment not in accordance with the instructions herein. Failure to maintain exclusive possession of this equipment could be hazardous to your health.
Tiger also got a new Cadillac Escalade courtesy of a Florida car dealership. The last one he drove was wrecked with the rear windows believed to have been smashed by a golf club probably wielded by an angry squirrel. The Cadillac Escalade is a vehicle that will protect you from a collision. It will not keep you safe from a rampaging wife.
Tigers caddy, Steve Williams, has been blamed by some people for failing to keep Tiger from falling into dangerous manholes. Steve vehemently denies knowing anything about Tigers extracurricular activities. He says that he does not want to be fired. He should have kept Tigers focus strictly on 18 holes, no mas.
Tigers personal problems did not deter his golfing peers from giving him the recognition that he deserves for his achievements on the golf course. He was named golfer of the year for winning at least five tournaments and being runner up in two majors. In the same year, he also earned more accolades that garnered him 13 trophies. Unlike his sports victories, these 13 additional trophies were not made of crystal or precious metal. They were made of womens undergarments.
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Joe Biden is a very thoughtful and dependable Vice President. When the boss is in a tight fix, he comes to the rescue. In the first year of the Obama administration, there have been instances when the President stumbled in his speeches making him sound robotic occasionally. This Christmas, good old Joe gave Barack a top of the line teleprompter thats so easy to follow even a cave man can read it.
Speaker Nancy Pelosi was also in a giving mood. She promised to provide health insurance to 31 million Americans, charged to our credit cards. For the rest of us who will be paying for Pelosis promises, we will all be chewing lumps of coal for many Christmases to come.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid also played Santa with our money. To get the last remaining Democratic holdout in the Senate to support his version of health care reform, he offered to have the federal government pay for all of the Medicaid expenses chargeable to the State of Nebraska. This means that the citizens of Virginia will be responsible for Medicaid expenses of qualified Virginians, plus the Medicaid expenses incurred by the people of Nebraska.
The Republicans got a nice Christmas present. Democratic Congressman Parker Griffith of Alabama switched parties and officially became a Republican a few days before Christmas.
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Goodbye 2009, welcome 2010.
2009 saw the agony and the ecstasy in the Philippines. Typhoon Ondoy and another grumpy one that followed ravaged Metro Manila and Northern Luzon leaving those who have nothing with more of nothing.
Enter the hero to the rescue. Filipinos all over the world put their cares away to soak themselves in the glory brought by a modest man from General Santos City, Cotabato, Manny Pacquiao. After beating Miguel Coto in a brutal fight in Las Vegas, he put the Philippines prominently on the world map after winning five division boxing titles, a first in sports history.
Another hero, Efren Penaflorida from Cavite City, Philippines also brought honor to a people struggling for good news. Efren was awarded the CNN hero of the year having garnered the most votes cast worldwide besting international candidates. He was recognized for his volunteer work educating street children using his mobile classroom on cart.
The good taste in the mouth brought about by Pacquiao and Penaflorida turned sour with the politically motivated mayhem that killed 57 citizens including 11 journalists in Maguindanao, Philippines.
But the Filipinos are resilient. They will survive. A new year is coming and they eagerly await the biggest stimulus to the economy, the 2010 presidential elections.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!